


Losing Starlight

by domini_moonbeam



Category: Redacted ASMR
Genre: Budding Love, Developing Relationship, Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:00:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29129901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/domini_moonbeam/pseuds/domini_moonbeam
Summary: Avior loses his starlight in the hellscape and has to find them--afraid they might have found a way out and left him behind.
Relationships: Avior/Listener
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Avior is one of my new favorites in the amazing line up of characters on Redacted ASMR. I will never get enough of this stuff!

“Starlight!” he called into the hellscape, pulse jumping in his throat until it was pounding inside his skull. How had he lost them?

Avior knew how, of course. They had been arguing again, both of them frustrated at being stuck and not being able to figure out how to get out of this fucking trap. The human had stormed off, saying something about finding the weak spot themselves. He should have followed but he’d been so pissed he’d just stayed there, ignoring them, telling himself they’d come back and apologize any minute.

Now he was searching the stormy nightmare landscape for them. How could they disappear? What if they really had found the spot thin enough to let them get through? What if they had left? And now he was alone again? He pushed the idea away fast, a product of the madness of being trapped in this place. They wouldn’t leave him behind…would they?

Fuck. Of course, they would. Why not? Damn it!

“Starlight!” he called again and then jerked to a stop when the ground gave into nothing—seemingly nothing. A hole between levels. No. Nonono. Had they fallen? He crouched down, leaning over to stare down through the tear in design. “Starlight!” he shouted. The distance swallowed up his voice.

He remembered falling, unprepared to catch himself, the feel of his body crushed and dying but unable to actually die. No. That wasn’t supposed to happen to them. He had promised not to let that happen. Why the fuck had he ever let them storm off? Because they had been here for what felt like weeks together already, searching for a thin spot in the meridian. Because nothing bad had happened. Because _nothing_ had happened.

Avior jumped down, sliding through layers and landing in water up to his ankles. It had only been one level, at least. Roars shook the air around him, making him crouch to get low. He knew this layer. He had explored this whole nightmare plenty of times. Even in this place, this was a bad layer to be on. Shadow giants raged against one another on the surface of the Styx, clashing and beating at one another, biting and slamming fists and screaming in endless anger. He moved fast to the nearest boulder for some sort of cover, searching for any sign of his starlight. Ghostly shapes moved under the surface of the river, under his sneakers, forever drowning.

A flash of color under the surface caught his attention and he ran to it, on his knees in what to him felt like shallow water. It wasn’t hard to spot his human when he knew where to look, one real figure drowning among all of those imagined damned. His heart lurched in his chest when their eyes locked with his, mouth opening and bubbles coming out before they spasmed in another suffocating death. Avior thrust his arms in, fingers brushing theirs but not quite reaching. Mentally he swore but wouldn’t give up. He’d sooner dive in and figure out how the fuck to get back out with them than leave them in there alone. He held his breath and dunking his head in to reach farther.

It felt awful, like drowning even before drowning. Skin flashing cold and a screaming in his ears that didn’t belong there—didn’t make sense underwater. He curled fingers around Starlight’s wrist and pulled, dragging them up onto the surface of the water. He hooked an arm around their middle, kicking at the water to push them back toward the boulder for shelter from a much closer pair of fighting giants.

Starlight spit up water, coughing in a sob and trying to curl away from him.

“I’m sorry,” the apology jumped from his lips, arms still around the human, easily pulling them into his lap despite their efforts to curl away. He pushed the wet hair from their face, cupping a cheek. “You’re okay. I know it felt bad but I swear you’re okay.”

When the human started to cry and, worse, tried to turn their face away and lift an arm over it just so he wouldn’t see—Avior felt worse than when he’d fallen and broken everything. He sighed and hugged his starlight to his chest, rocking gently and repeating that it was okay while they sobbed. He should never have dragged them into this. He hadn’t thought it would be this hard or this bad for them but he also hadn’t thought he’d care. He did care. He pressed his lips to the top of their head, still watching the shadow giants just in case they turned their attention on them.

He had been so afraid at the thought of them leaving him behind, at being here without them, but now he wished they had left—even if that meant he was going to be stuck here forever.

“I’ll get us back to our level—” Avior started.

Starlight dragged a breath and sat up, shaking their head suddenly and grabbing at his arm. “No. I found it,” they choked out, scrubbing tears from their face with a wet sleeve and trying to get up.

“What?” he asked, confused and aware that the human was still clinging to him, forcing him to get up too. He helped them get steady on their feet again, his starlight looking around in a rush. He didn’t miss the choking sound in their throat when they looked briefly at the shadow giants and then away. “Found what?”

“A spot in the meridian I can get through.”

He blinked at them while they were still getting their bearings and then looked at the water rushing underfoot in the deep river of drowning souls. “You found it down there?”

“What?” they asked, confused, and then followed his eye and jerked a little, shaking their head and clinging tighter to his arm. “No, this way.” They started moving toward the far bank.

Avior felt a spike of hope before he could stop himself, shaking his head tightly. “If you found it then how did you end up in the river?” If they really had found the way out, why wouldn’t they take it? Especially in this part of the hellscape…

Starlight swallowed hard, chin lifted again and gaze focused on some spot ahead. “I ended up in the river when I came back to look for a way up again.” Their voice was steadier, sounding like their old self again. He never failed to be amazed by their strength.

“Wait. You came back?” He looked at his starlight’s hand holding tight to his wrist. They came back for him? “How did you end up in the river?” Suddenly he needed to know but he saw the way their shoulders tensed before they forced a shrug.

“I think it’s over here,” they said, rather than answering.

Avior shook off their grip on his wrist and that brought Starlight to a stop, eyes growing when they looked back, as though afraid he’d disappear. He sighed and took their hand, rubbing his thumb across the back of their knuckles. “How did you end up in the river?” he pressed, not walking.

They stared back at him for a second like they might not answer. He shouldn’t be demanding it, he knew. He had no right to it. He would probably have been pissed if their roles were reversed. But his human had been telling him just about everything that crossed their mind for the last who-knows-how-long and now they were quiet? No. They needed to say it and he needed to know what coming back for him had cost.

Their fingers twitched in his hold before they looked away, off toward the river and the giants. “One of them saw me…Chased me down.” They swallowed. Sighed. “Smashed me through the river.”

Smashed. He bit the side of his tongue to keep from swearing. And to think he’d doubted them—thought they would find a way out and take it. He felt sick.

Starlight squeezed his hand, pulling gently. “I don’t regret it. We leave together or…” Their voice cracked and their gaze cut down to the river of souls underfoot.

Avior felt a rise of, was that pride? He wasn’t sure he’d ever had anyone who was willing to die for him—or with him. “Thank you,” he whispered, not even embarrassed about the tears that gathered in his eyes.

Starlight flashed a smile and gave another shrug, like it was nothing, and then started walking again, leading him to another tear in the fabric of this illusion. The air boomed behind them when one of those wrathful giants felled another, still beating fists down even after the other had stopped fighting back. Avior tried not to look, tried not to think about his little starlight under one of those fists, slammed down so hard that it smashed them through the surface of the river. How long had they been drowning after that? What if he hadn’t found them? No. He put the thoughts away. He had to focus on right now, on getting out of this place with them, and then he could think about how to make this up to them—how to apologize even if the human seemed to think he didn’t owe one.


	2. Finding Starlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The update no one asked for to the fic no one asked for because I guess I've fallen hard for Avior.
> 
> Obviously, this isn't my world so I'm BSing my way through the finer details of how the emotion eating works based on what's been mentioned so far in the audio series.
> 
> If you're reading this, thank you so much for giving it a try! Hope you enjoy it! <3

They had escaped that hellscape trap, standing on a midnight sidewalk looking up at the stars like it had been years rather than days for them. The air smelled clean, the pavement still damp from a rainstorm that had come and gone. Avior tried to look around at the dark park on one side and lines of closed shops on the other. It was finally quiet, no longer howling winds and screams of the imagined damned—just the hum of a city and murmur of voices and cars blocks away. He tried to take it all in, but kept glancing at Starlight instead. They were still staring at the stars.

When they noticed he was looking, the huffed a laughed and straightened, shoving hands into their pockets.

What now?

“Can you get home from here?” he asked. A part of him wanted to go home immediately, to go back to Aria and maybe try stubbornly to pretend the human world never existed, at least until he needed to feed again. But he lingered, watching them, not really wanting to leave them. Was that a remnant of too much time spent together? Had he become co-dependent with a human? It would be laughable if it didn’t feel dangerously possible.

Starlight nodded, nudging their chin in one direction. “I live close.” They bit their bottom lip the way they did when they were thinking. Those eyes flicked back to him. “And you? Will you be okay getting home?”

Avior laughed a little at the concern in the human’s voice. “Yes. I think I’ll be fine,” he drawled sarcastically.

They smiled and took a step back, in the direction they’d indicated. “Okay. Well. If you find yourself stuck in a hellscape again, you know where to find me.” The smile wobbled, still there but not quite reaching their eyes anymore. “Maybe come by some time so I know you’re okay? We could get coffee or something like normal people.”

“I’m not normal people,” he replied automatically, regretting it when they nodded almost apologetically and shrugged. “But, I will,” he said, surprising himself. “And thanks, for getting me out.” It wasn’t enough. They hadn’t just gotten him out of that nightmare, they’d come back for him—made sure he got out too. They had saved his life.

Starlight shrugged again like it wasn’t anything, like he hadn’t found them endlessly drowning under that bullshit river Styx for their efforts. “See you around!” they called like they were old friends.

Avior watched them go, confused by the tug in his chest that wanted to follow.

And then he vanished from the sidewalk, finally going home.

* * *

It had only been a week and a half but it felt too long. He’d had to explain what happened at least a hundred fucking times, first to his friends that had wondered where the hell he’d disappeared to, and then to every rando daemon wanting to hear the bizarre story.

It was late afternoon in the human city when he finally gave in to the cloying need to see Starlight again. He would just check on them. They’d probably be busy and he’d just leave before saying anything anyway.

He walked up the street and ducked into the building just in time to see a familiar face leaving the elevator.

Vega blinked back at him, and then grinned. Avior had never quite figured out if all sadism demons had smiles like wolves, but Vega definitely did. He flashed a smile back, meeting him in the middle of the lobby, each obviously surprised to see the other. “I heard you got into some trouble,” Vega said, looking him over. “You look fine to me.”

Avior’s smile evened out. “Trouble suits me, I guess.” He shrugged, trying not to acknowledge the way his stomach twisted. He had no personal problems with Vega. They’d grown up together. He knew him. But he did not like seeing him in this particular building, or even in this city right now. “What are you doing in Dahlia?”

Vega shrugged. “I’ve got a couple projects going. One of them is coming to a crescendo—fucking smorgasbord. And I’ve started on a few new ones. This city is a buffet of trauma and heartache. But what about you? What flavor are you eating these days?”

Avior slid his hands into his jacket pockets to hide the way they balled into fists. What Vega ate had never bothered him before, but thinking of Starlight he couldn’t help but realize how cruel Vega’s projects could be. He never just fed on what was there. He found someone teetering and pushed, driving them right up to the edge and usually, when he was done, right over it.

Avior had never liked thinking about it. Pain and misery wasn’t his personal choice of energy to sustain on. But he hadn’t been particularly empathetic to the humans either.

“Whatever I’m in the mood for, I guess,” he answered vaguely. “What are you doing in this building?” he asked, the question so pointed that Vega straightened, surprised.

His head tipped back toward the elevator he’d come from, but his eyes didn’t leave Avior. “Found this one a few days ago. They’re this sweet mix of heartbreak, loneliness, and trauma. They barely sleep. Barely eat. And it looks like they’re pretty much on their own. A perfect start. I couldn’t have set the scene better if I planned it myself. I’ve barely done anything and they’re spiralling. When I figure out what they’re so scared of, things are really going to kick into gear.”

Avior stared at him, fists so tight in his pockets that his arm twitched. He tried to assure himself it wasn’t his Starlight Vega was preying on. His Starlight wasn’t sad. They were inquisitive and fearless. Still, he wasn’t ready to step aside and let Vega leave. “Which one?”

“Hm?” Vega seemed honestly confused, half in his own thoughts and now blinking back at the other demon.

Avior pointed at the wall of mail slots and residents names.

Vega frowned and for a second looked like he might suspect Avior of trying to steal his meal. Realizing that wasn’t the case, even if Avior was fully capable of eating pain—it wasn’t his nature to snipe. Vega swayed over to the wall, glanced at the names and smirked, reaching out to tap one.

Avior felt sick. “They’re mine.” The words jumped out. It wasn’t really true. It wasn’t right. He’d never fed off of Starlights emotions. He hadn’t needed to feed in that nightmare trap.

Vega glared at him. “Since when?” he snapped back.

Avior held his gaze, still thinking about throttling him. “A while,” he ground out. “Don’t come back here.”

Vega curls his lips back, about to argue when the realization must have struck him. He straightened, almost laughing. “Shit, is this the empowered you used to get out of that trap?”

He didn’t use them. Did he? Fuck.

Vega sighed but lifted his hands in defeat. “Fine. Fine. Obviously you were working on them before I was.” He smiled as he dropped his hands. “I guess that explains where that dash of trauma came from…What exactly happened to them in there?” he asked, making it sound like idle curiosity but Avior knew better. Vega was willing to back off now, but that didn’t mean he could risk giving him information about Starlight.

When he didn’t answer, Vega finally rolled his eyes and slumped his shoulders. “Fine. Whatever, Avior. Keep this one. You probably need an easy meal after getting yourself stuck in the meridian.” He laughed on his way out of the building, the door slamming behind him.

Avior felt sick.

He stood there in the lobby for a while, alone, absorbing everything. Were they really sad? Vega had called them heartbroken, lonely, and traumatized. Avior was sure he understood where their trauma had come from, but the rest? He realized he didn’t know their normal life. Had they been lonely before? Were they in a relationship with someone and he’d abducted them for a handful of days? What if he’d messed up their life?

If he was a total chicken, he would have left right then.

Luckily, or unluckily, depending on viewpoint, Avior was not a chicken. He was a fucking daemon.

He headed upstairs. Even if Starlight was furious, he’d have to linger in this area sometimes just to keep his claim now and make sure Vega didn’t show up again. He could do that without Starlight noticing though.

It took him longer than he would ever admit to finally knock on their door.

He expected them to be apprehensive, skeptical, maybe even pissed to see him standing there. But as soon as Starlight opened the door and blinked past initial surprise, they smiled. Not just a friendly smile either, but a big smile, like they’d missed him. Was that possible?

“Hey!” Starlight chimed and then took a step back. “Do you want to come in?”

Avior nodded and walked into their apartment. It was strange, to see details of this person he’d known so well but in such a specific and strange place outside of their actual lives. He didn’t really know anything about their life—but somehow he still knew the most important things about who they were.

“How was going home?” Starlight asked, closing the door and waving him into the little living room space of their loft. “Do you want something to drink?” they asked, pausing at the kitchen island on one side of the living room. “I have an espresso machine.”

Avior snorted, sitting down on one end of the couch. “It’s almost seven in the evening. Should you really be drinking coffee?”

“Are you planning to go to bed soon, grandma?” Starlight retorted.

He bit back a smile and finally nodded agreement, watching them expertly work shots of espresso from them machine while he told them about going home, running off on tangents about his idiot friends. Starlight nodded along, smiling, interrupting a couple times to ask questions first about how he wanted his coffee and then about random bits of his story. At least they still remembered to interrupt him rather than wait to the end of his rant.

When they came over and passed a warm mug into his hands, he realized they really did look tired. They were smiling and light just like usual, but there were dark circles under their eyes and a weight to their shoulders. Had Vega done that? Influenced it? Or was it already there like he said?

“I missed you,” Avior said without thinking just as Starlight was sitting down beside him, one leg tucked so they could be turned toward him. When he’d set out to see them again, he’d had no intention of admitting that he missed them—even if he’d already realized it by then.

They looked surprised, in a way they really shouldn’t be, and the happiness on their face almost chased away the shadows of exhaustion. “I missed you too,” they said quietly, both hands cradling a mug of latte. They looked down at it, blushing, before recovering with a little laugh, like they weren’t used to being surprised at all. That made sense, they’d barely been upset when he’d hauled them through into the meridian and they’d taken every absurd problem with a thoughtful nod and a million questions rather than a scream or a sob.

“So, I didn’t cause you to lose your job or your SO or anything, did I?” He instantly regretted how he’d worded the question, worried they’d lie to offer him peace of mind. But only for a second, because he was pretty sure he’d know if they did lie.

Starlight laughed, sipping their coffee. “No. Not at all. I designs from home mostly and just go into the office when I need to go to a meeting or something. And no significant other to worry about. No one noticed I was gone.”

The words slipped out, he could tell by the way Starlight stopped laughing, glancing at him like maybe he wouldn’t catch it. They hurried to add, “I mean, it was only a handful of days.”

A handful of days was long enough that someone should have noticed—that realizing no one had noticed would hurt. He had been trying not to strum their emotions—not to extend that part of himself that sifted through the feelings of humans. But it was all there, just like Vega had described it. His Starlight was so tired, pushing away their own sad thoughts and worries and, yes, missing him, to desperately cling to positivity like a fucking life vest.

Avior put his coffee down and turned sideways, facing them on the couch.

“Starlight…can I…” He’d never asked before. Most humans didn’t even know he was there, and even when they did, they almost never realized he was feeding on their emotions. He reached out slowly, plenty of time to see and feel any panic or discomfort on his Starlight before his hand brushed theirs. Instead he got a wave of surprise and then more of that happiness. They let go of their mug to give him that hand and he felt the warmth still pressed into their palm. “You’re…tangled.” He tried to explain it, the way their emotions were knotted up around them, piling on top like a weight. They didn’t belong, not really, and it would be so easy to take them away. Why didn’t he just do it? Why was this different than anyone else? “Can I take away some of this pain?”

Starlight tensed but didn’t pull their hand back, staring back at him. “Will it change me?”

He smiled at that, loving that they’d worry about being different without that pain. “Not like that. I can take what you’re feeling now. If the same problems in life bother you, they’ll come back. It’s not like you won’t feel the way you do about things. It’s just…you’re…”

Starlight blushed but nodded. “Yeah. I’m a mess.” They laughed like it was a joke. “I guess coming back was hard.”

Avior looked down at the hand he was still holding. He should have checked in on them sooner than now. What had he been afraid of? He hadn’t even thought to be afraid of any of the things that ended up mattering. With his other hand he reached out and brushed hair back from Starlight’s cheek, hooking it behind an ear. All the while, gently taking layers of that pain away. They had missed him, it was there in the longing and loneliness. They had been forced to confront their own solitude, all while still haunted by nightmares of that river.

He didn’t usually consume pain, but he could. And instead of stoking it like a fire to keep himself feeding for months or years off their misery, like Vega would, he took it all at once and watched the way their shoulders relaxed and the shadows in their eyes cleared. Starlight sighed, tears springing to their eyes when they smiled. “Holy shit…” they whispered.

“Okay?” Avior asked, fingers curling against the side of their neck, resting there, feeling their pulse in his palm.

Starlight nodded, blushing a little again. “Yeah. Thanks…” Their hand squeezed his in the little space between them on the couch.

“Can I stay for a while?” Avior asked without thinking, thumb drawing slow circles under their jaw.

“A while?” Starlight asked but they were smiling already and nodding. “Sure.”

Avior finally took his hand from the side of their neck, but kept the other one tangled with theirs on the couch. He picked up his coffee and leaned back into the couch, taking a sip before saying, “Great, now explain what the fuck is going on with your bookshelf. There’s no order. It’s definitely not alphabetical and you have different genres all bunched together. Holy shit, you don’t even have the series books together!” He ranted, waving at the wall of books across from them.

Starlight laughed, turning to look at the shelf and settling perfectly against the side of his body, sipping their coffee. “It is too in order.”

“Not by color or book size or—”

“They’re organized by favoritism.”

Avior jerked a little, glaring at the person next to him. “That is not a way to organize books…”

“It’s the only way,” Starlight argued, smug. Smug was good. Smug was great. He liked smug.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [tumblr](https://dominimoonbeam.tumblr.com/) if you have any requests!!


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